But, here's the recurring pattern you may see in your relationships: A desire to save your partner from his own self-destruction, or the desire to be saved by someone for the same reason.
Some people adopt the hero role in this pattern — nursing an ailing partner back to health, saving them from a string of previously destructive relationships, maybe even saving them from a physical danger. Others cast themselves as those in need of rescue — relying on their partners to swoop in and save them from whatever ill-fate's been visited upon them, either real or imagined.
It also sets up one of the parties as a savior. Though perhaps not as epic as seen in the characters in novels or films, this is significant nonetheless. In Hemmingway's tragic love story, "Farewell to Arms," an injured soldier is nurtured back to health and into a blissful romance by a kindly nurse. Not long after, she's the one at death's door. In "Run Lola Run," a woman has twenty minutes to come up with a large amount of money to save her boyfriend's life. How far she goes to obtain it is a measure of her devotion or delusion.
If someone is willing to care for a loved one in times of adversity, they've already demonstrated a strong level of commitment, as well as proof that they can carry you through the tough times. They have also inspired in you a confidence that you will not only be willing to, but looking to switch roles when the need arises. There is a distinct comfort in this.
So how exactly did you get here? Many people who share this pattern with you have experienced some loss in their life. Did you help take care of family members when you were young? Did you need more attention and care than your parents were able to provide? You tend to repeat your childhood roles in your adult relationships, whether you're aware of it or not. Someone who was a caregiver early in life, may continue to be so in romantic relationships. A person who needed more attention from parents, may automatically provide others with the care they wished they had received.
Being needed is a basic human desire. Being able to depend on one another is what gives relationships meaning, so it's no wonder that this romantic pattern is so powerful. Evidence of your archetypal story is all around you — in history, books, and movies. In the classic fairytale "Beauty in the Beast," a woman brings out the softer side of a grumpy monster. She sees beyond his gruff exterior and gains his love in return. In "Breaking the Waves," Emily Watson plays a woman who makes the ultimate sacrifice to have her husband. He comes to regard her as a saint. Your pattern is being told and retold because it resonates with so many people. But this is just scratching the surface of what we uncovered about the romantic pattern that drives your relationships.
While you were taking this test, we analyzed your responses to different types of questions, questions that get at the underlying factors of your relationship patterns.
These questions measure aspects of your formative experiences, your self-esteem, and your subconscious reactions to romantic scenarios — the dimensions that direct your behavior and choice of partners.
This allows us to look at the source of your romantic pattern — how and when this pattern became attractive to you — and allows us to make specific suggestions that will help you make better choices, and find true happiness in love.
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